Sabbatical, continued

I'm still on "blog sabbatical" on the eve of the beginning of our Spiritual Growth Workshop but I have to share with you the words of my friend, Allan Stanglin. Allan and I talked at length over the phone on Saturday about the gist of this entry on his blog. I have taken it from his blog and pasted it to mine for you to chew on.

Back at ya on October 11th.

We’re losing our kids. We can’t keep our young people. Our teenagers are leaving the church. Ever increasing numbers of our children are becoming more and more disenchanted with our faith and our faith traditions. There’s no “brand loyalty” among our offspring.

So in an effort to win those kids and hang onto our young people and keep our teenagers and encourage our children and indoctrinate our offspring we throw more programs at them. Give them more to do. More activities. More ministers. More money.

Have we ever stopped to consider that our current model of Youth Ministry, an unchallenged and undisputed and powerful force among our churches for about 40 years, is part of the problem?

I have two observations, maybe three, on the issue of our teens and the widely perceived problems of them leaving the church. This may take a while. It may take all week. I encourage you to read this and reflect on it and pray about it. Especially if you’re a parent.

There’s a member of my family who, many years ago, decided to move God and his church way down on the list of priorities. None of it is very important to this person anymore. This person, whom I love dearly and pray for every day, is not a member of a church anymore. This person’s spouse and children don’t care about any of it at all. It doesn’t matter to them. And it breaks my heart. It grieves every other member of the family. And we make a concerted effort, as a family, to never, ever, ever speak negatively about the church in any way any time this family member is around. We don’t discuss “church issues.” We don’t complain about policies or gripe about worship. We don’t argue about doctrine or in any way air the church’s laundry when this family member is around. When this person is in the room, we talk only about the good things in the church. We speak about relationships and love and support. We talk about people and families this person knows. We communicate what God is doing in and with his church and the people there.

That’s just common sense, right? You’d have to be a fool to think that speaking negatively about the church and communicating all the things that are wrong in the church would ever win this person back to our Lord.

So how in the world do we justify the way we talk about the church in front of our kids? We wouldn’t do it in front of the lost. Why do we think it’s OK in front of our children?

We’re raising entire generations of kids — two or three in a row now — who, the only time they hear their parents and their parents’ friends talk about church, hear their parents slamming the church. We complain about worship. We gripe about policies and practices and personalities. We threaten to leave if things don’t change or go our way. We talk about the church, in front of our kids, as if it were a burden or a necessary evil. We communicate to them that we don’t like very much about it at all. What young person would want to dedicate his life to it after listening to that for 12 or 13 years? Who wouldn’t be on the lookout for something else? Some of them, I don’t blame for wanting to leave.

OK. That’s observation number one.

Here’s the second: I’m afraid we’re communicating unscriptural ideas and planting ungodly seeds when we unflinchingly cater to the wants and whims of our teenagers.

We tell our teenagers that they are the single most important group in the church. They matter more than anybody. We tell them to separate from the rest of the body for worship. We tell them to separate from their families, sit together as a youth group, right down front, so we can look at them.

We laugh at the absurdity of someone thinking they have their own pew in the sanctuary. We joke about a visitor walking in and unknowingly taking someone’s pew. Yet we block off entire sections of our worship centers for our teens. Seriously.

We encourage them to do their own thing, sing their own songs, express themselves in their own ways. And if we’re not comfortable with all that, we send them away to do it by themselves. We build them elaborate youth facilities for their own use. They make up less than ten-percent of our congregations but they get all the attention, two or three full time ministers, and a huge unbalanced chunk of the budget.

How can we change worship to meet the needs of our teenagers? How can we tweak our meeting times and places to satisfy our kids? What songs can we sing that our youth group will enjoy? How can we provide our young people with more fun activities? What will the teenagers think? What do the teenagers say?

When’s the last time anybody asked the 55-year-old couple in the back, the ones who’ve been members at your church for 20 years, what they thought?

Here’s the deal: a kid in our churches feels a sense of entitlement. Our youth programs and the attention we pay them naturally foster it. If those same kids go to Christian colleges and attend big churches with successful college programs that treat them the same way, it only gets worse. And by the time that young person graduates at age 23 or 24, he gets a job (hopefully, right?) and begins searching for a church home and realizes, maybe for the first time in his life, that it’s not all about him.

Nobody’s catering to him anymore. He’s having to sacrifice and submit and consider others maybe for the first time in his life. Suddenly, he and his age group aren’t the most important people in the church. He’s just as important, or unimportant, as everyone else. And he goes into shock. Vertigo. Disorientation. And I think it’s only natural. What other result would we expect? Does it surprise us that it’s at that age, 23-25, that our kids leave the churches of Christ or drop out of church altogether?

Related to that, I think, is the fact that the parents of today’s teenagers, men and women in their 40s and 50s, are the very first generation of Church of Christ members raised in the current youth ministry model. And these parents are changing churches based on their kids’ preferences. Parents are choosing churches only after their children have signed off on the youth program. Parents are taking complaints from their teens to ministers and elders. The kids have the reigns. The kids have the power. The kids have the control. They have the final say.

And we’re the ones who gave it to them.

Last thing. And these are all related. Why are we afraid to correct our teenagers? Why are we afraid to give them direction?

I was interested last week to attend a series of roundtable discussions at the Abilene Christian University Lectureships entitled “The House Divided: Discussing Differences Within the Church.” It was part of the ACU student-led Lectureship track, described and promoted as church leaders discussing ways our members can “maintain unity despite significant differences.” The stated goal of the class was to “dream with our students of a future together in unity.”

There were over a hundred people in the room each of the three days, fairly evenly split between college students and older church leaders. The discussion each day was moderated by a three-man panel of ministers and professors. And not once was the view of a teenager challenged or corrected. Every view of every student — regardless of how misguided or misinformed or even dangerous — was validated by solemn nods and affirming winks. Several times the panelists reminded us that we were there to listen to the students. And that’s all we did. Listen to the students. When they said they needed this or they needed that or they needed to feel such-and-such, we listened. And vowed to change.

At one point, late in the third day’s session, one young lady exclaimed that she and her friends were “just saying ‘yes’ to Jesus and ‘no’ to the church.” And the panelists nodded in agreement.

And I couldn’t stand it anymore.

I asked for the microphone and gently explained (I characterized my forthcoming comment as a “loving response to my sweet sister in Christ) that saying “no” to the church was not the answer. It’s never the answer. I told her and everyone in the room that Scripture clearly and unambiguously tells us that Christ died for the church. His blood purchased the church. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t cheap. And while many Christians are guilty of distorting the church, even in our own tradition, sometimes to the point of making it unrecognizeable as the church Jesus died for, saying “no” is not the answer. It’s impossible to say “yes” to Jesus and “no” to the church. His death on the cross makes it impossible.

And the panelists took the microphone and corrected me and defended the teenager.

They said we have to change the way we talk and the way we think about the church if we’re going to keep our kids. They said we have to use the language of the outsiders and respect the perspective of the outsiders. And when I observed that this student was not an outsider but an insider in a room full of insiders, I was politely brushed off. Dismissed.

My opinion doesn’t count. I’m 40 and I have gray hair. I don’t have an iPod and I don’t play with a Wie. What do I know?

Maybe that’s right. But I’m saddened that in a room full of elders and ministers and Christian college professors, one of our own kids can declare her response to our problems is to say “no” to the church. And it goes completely unchallenged. It’s actually affirmed as fine and even proper.

A few minutes later, to his credit, one of the panelists, a youth minister from the Houston area, attempted to encourage our young people to persevere. Challenge the church. Help teach the church. Wrestle with the church. Grow with the church. Love the church. But don’t leave the church. I couldn’t have said it better. I had been waiting for three days for somebody on the panel to actually say something to that effect.

And then the ACU professor on the panel grabbed the mic and said, “But if the Lord is calling you to leave, then you have to leave.”

Nice.

That day’s session was titled “Visions for the Future: God Has No Plan B.”

God may have no Plan B. But this professor does. Just leave. Do your own thing.

Why are we so afraid of correcting our teenagers? Why are we scared to give them direction? Why are we afraid to offend them? Is it because we think they’ll leave? Is it because we want them to like us? Is it because the parents of our teens are treating them the same way we were treated as teens and we just don’t know any better? We haven’t made the connection yet?

Teenagers are not the church of the future. They are the church of right now. Just like the 91-year-old man and the four-year-old little girl and everybody in between. We all submit to each other. We all sacrifice for each other. We all love each other. We all consider others better than ourselves. How can exalting one group within the church over another, intentionally or unintentionally, ever be godly or good?

A Sabbath

On Sunday, I filled in for Paul, teaching the teens about the meaning of the Sabbath and its application in our 21st century lives. The Sabbath was God's invention for the sake of mankind.

At the end of creation, God pronounced his handiwork as "good" and then took a day off. If God needed a break, we humans need to follow his example and rest, even from the good things in our lives.

For over 2 1/2 years now, I have tried to write in this space five days a week. It is a good thing for me as I "disentangle my thoughts through my fingertips." But even that good thing, for me at least, can become a chore rather than a blessing.

So, I am taking a self-imposed Sabbath from blogging for one month. With the Spiritual Growth Workshop looming, Prime Time resuming, and the continual demands of teaching, preaching and counseling, I am forcing myself to break with blogging for one month.

So, till October 11th, may the grace of God and the peace of Jesus Christ be with you and yours. Talk to you again on October 11th!

Love is Something if you Give it Away

The following will appear in the September-October issue of Homecoming Magazine. Thank you, Barbara, for your generosity and for choosing our downtown outreach as your "pay it forward" investment.

Bill and Gloria Gaither have been compelled to motivate and excite people to live a lifestyle of giving, so they decided to give legs to their song "Give It Away" by building their current tour around that theme. Since February, five people have been randomly chosen at each Gaither Homecoming concert to receive $200 each of "seed" money to plant in their communities. Here is just some of what's happening...

"I am a member of the Woodward Park Church of Christ in Fresno, California. A group of young people at our church have recently begun a new ministry. We have a very large population of homeless people in Fresno.A few weeks ago they went downtown (to a poor area by the Rescue Mission) and prepared lunch for approximately 300 homeless people. They plan to continue doing this, at least one time each month. As you can imagine, it is rather costly to prepare a meal for this many people.

I prayed about what to do with this money and feel that this is a wonderful way to 'Give it Away' to someone who needs it more than I. I gave the money to our minister to see that it was given to the ones purchasing the food for the next time they will be serving the homeless. All of this is being done for God's glory! There are so many people in our community who need this physical nourishment but more importantly, they need to see and know the love of God. We pray that our love for God and them will be seen through each of us as we serve them in this way."

Barbara McCreary
Fresno,Calif.

The Spirit of Aggieland

In an effort to equate my fellow Bulldog fans with the Spirit of Aggieland, I asked my turkey hunting buddy and Texas A&M graduate, Lance Wenmohs, to share what makes A&M unique. Here is what Lance shared with me:

1. 12th Man - students stand during the game. A&M web site probably has more facts on the tradition. Here is a good link...http://aggietraditions.tamu.edu/

2. Aggie Band - military style band. Unlike any other marching band (hey Rod and Mike, do *not* go to the concession stand at halftime. The Marching Aggie Band is hands-down the best halftime show in America).

3. Midnight Yell Practice - At midnight before each home football game, Aggies gather to pump up the Twelfth Man for the next day's big game. Remember A&M has yell leaders, not cheer leaders like other schools. Yell Leaders are selected by the student body, these five Aggies are the"Keepers of the Spirit" of Aggieland.

4. For the game that followed 9-11, A&M did a "red, white & blue out" where t-shirts were distributed red, white & blue t-shirts to the 3 decks at Kyle Field. It was cool. Here is a link to the photo. http://www.city-data.com/picfilesv/picv2293.php

5. Aggie Muster - Every April 21, Muster brings together more Aggies worldwide on one occasion than any other event. Silver Taps - A final tribute is held the first Tuesday of the month when a student has passed away the previous month.

So with the Bulldogs flying out of Fresno today for College Station, do they depart with enough in the tank to pull off the upset? Texas A&M will enter Saturday's game ranked 23rd in the country. Fresno will enter 1-0 fresh off a 24-3 win over Sacramento State.

Without Jason Shirley in up-front, the 'Dogs won't be physical enough to contain Javorskie Lane, Michael Goodson, and ex-Burnet Bulldog Stephen McGee.

Give it to the Aggies.

Texas A&M - 34
Fresno State - 14

Bulldog Football

On Saturday, the girls and I enjoyed our first experience with Fresno State Bulldog football. Certainly, it isn't the SEC or the Big 12 in terms of magnitude and sheer size, but that has its own benefits. For instance, as you can see in the second picture, both of our girls were interviewed by KMPH and were a part of the lead story on the Saturday night newscast. The transcript is here and the video is here (look under the "homepage video" in the center of the screen and find the link that says "Bulldog Fans Brave the Heat").

"Who needs heat when you have bounce houses?" seemed to be the theme of the night for the girls.

The Bulldogs won 24-3 but awaiting them is a trip to College Station this weekend. Tomorrow and Friday, I'm going to do my best to educate Bulldog fans on the spirit of Aggieland. Texas AMC is a unique place with a unique fan base and unique traditions.